Over the last few months, the topic of national pride and sporting identity has been thrown around the back pages as if it were mother Novo’s paella on the streets of Govan, Spain, as she raised local-lad Nacho. Called to question has been the right to play for an adopted country of your choosing, after gaining a qualified passport, if selected, and whether or not this would be welcomed by the common football fanatic and professional alike. The big talking point: should George Burley select Rangers forward Nacho Novo, now that he qualifies as a British citizen?
For this to even be considered is ridiculous and insane! How could anyone argue that a Spaniard, a German, an Italian, never mind how good the player may be, would have the have the same blood pumping through the veins that William Wallace, Robert the Bruce and James McFadden all share?! It is bad enough that our Assistant Manager is England-hero Terry Butcher!
To add to this growing disintegration of our national pride and belief, was a broadsheet response to Scotland’s Autumn Test defeat last weekend to New Zealand at Murrayfield, where the sub-heading read: ‘Scots fans acceptance of defeat shows the depths the sport has sunk’. Fair enough, we were playing the almighty All-Blacks, but for a crowd, and you could also argue a starting XV, to accept defeat before the kick-off, which the writer’s sub-heading is referring to, is not that same never-say-die, Scotland the Brave attitude that we used to be renowned for, is it?!
I think I’m starting to feel that amongst the celebrity lifestyle, the sponsorship deals and the big-money contracts that all our professionals enjoy nowadays, there doesn’t seem too much space or time to squeeze in the thought of: “Wait a second. I am representing Scotland here. My country! These people rely on me to defend our pride! I am going to go out and put my body on the line destroying this enemy!” - or something along those lines - followed by some sort of roar or gorilla-esque chest-punch!
If I was good at something, like properly good at something, and not just average at a lot of things (which seems to be my sorry state of affairs), then representing my country would be the ultimate achievement, during which I would happily put my body on the line and greet my way through Flower of Scotland. Why? Because I am Scottish ,and proud of that fact!
So if Frank Hadden came up to me in early-March and said: “Look, I know you love this country, and it is people like you that I need to win this Calcutta Cup! Can you play?”.
“Frank,” I’d say, “it would be the greatest honour! However, you must leave, and take the team with you. If they don’t have that Bannockburn spirit, then to this cause, they are of no use. Leave this to me.” And with a turn of my cape, and the thought of ‘When did I turn into Darth Vader?’ running through my head, I would head off into the night, to recruit fifteen of Scotland’s finest sporting Scots!
For a mean front-row, and a fine hooker, I would recruit our Winter-Olympic hero Rhona Martin. With the infamous autocratic roar which made her a household name and the nation’s favourite curler, a forward pack would dare not step out of line on her watch. She would bond the front-row tightly together, much akin to her captaincy of her curling-team, and brush opponents aside in the scrum, ensuring that our forward play ran smooth as ice. She is notably proud to be Scottish, and looks as though she could pack a punch if Martin Corry decided to push his luck.
On either-side of Martin, would come Colin Montgomerie, and legendary darts come Top of the Pops hero, Jocky Wilson. Monty, not only a Scottish icon but a European God, has been a Ryder Cup stalwart on eight occasions, never losing a singles match when his nationality, albeit European, has been on the line! Perhaps a little miserable looking on the golf-course, there is no doubt that this downbeat approach would turn to sheer anger and resulting aggression on the rugby pitch. Matched with a heavy frame, his power and ability to drive literally hundreds of yards would give any team a massive bonus. Having failed to capture a major throughout his fantastic career, and having a notoriously bad relationship with the American public, what better-way to crown a career than defeating America’s greatest ally: England.
As for tight-head prop, the position goes to Jocky Wilson. Initially a coal delivery man before his rise to fame in the world of darts, the Fife-born champion is sure to have a bit of muscle about him: bags of coal are sure to be one of the heaviest bag-fulls on the planet! With the notorious Scottish talent of enjoying the odd regular tipple, he fits the bill for hard Scottish b*****d so perfectly, that he practically wrote the bill! His alleged punch at an official in 1982 proves he isn’t prepared to stand for any tomfoolery in the line-out, and is certainly a prized asset with his weight and bulls-eye aim.
Behind the front-three are locks Scott Murray and Sam Torrance. Both Scotland through and through, Murray has won almost ninety caps representing us for over ten years, in a career that has seen him been twice voted Scottish player of the year, and represent the British Lions on 2001. Re-asserting his proud Scottish roots in 2006, he became the second ever Scottish player to be sent off whilst wearing the navy blue, after kicking Welsh forward Ian Gough in the face. Never one to shy from a ruck or maul, combined with his massive size and ability to take matters into his own hands, as well as years of experience, he would be a dead-cert for starting.
Torrance, although not exactly an aggressor, is so proud of his Scottish heritage, that he currently resides in England. Similar to Monty in both career and achievements, he represented Europe eight times in the Ryder Cup, in a career that has lasted over thirty years, and captained Europe to success over the Yanks in 2002. Always the charmer, his level-headedness and leadership would provide that extra stability to our scrum, which would definitely cancel out his poor height in the line-out. He has always carried that extra tyre, which may prove invaluable in the ruck.
As far as flankers go, the positions are filled by the finest defensive partnership in Scottish footballing history: Sir Alex Ferguson’s Aberdeen and Scotland pairing of Willie Miller and Alex McLeish. Both hard as nails, the pairing that took Aberdeen to the Scottish League title, the Scottish Cup and the UEFA Cup Winners Cup, and Scotland to the World Cup, practically tackled in their sleep. Sir Alex may argue that they were the finest defensive partnership that he ever created, until Steve Bruce and Gary Pallister at Manchester United. With these two at open-side and blindside, we would have fast flankers to breakaway, neither of whom would miss a tackle and would naturally assert themselves at the breakdown. Their love of the fifty-fifty is the essence of Scottish sporting identity!
At number eight is the powerhouse, the hard-hitting current Scottish Rugby Captain that is Jason White. Renowned for his crunching tackles, players have openly admitted to avoiding being his training partner! With him at the helm, he has already captained us to victory over the Auld Enemy, and adds so much power and strength to the scrum no matter where he plays.
Now we go to the backs. At scrum-half is where I’d play. Here, I can avoid the majority of contact during the game, as long as I get the ball out of the scrum quickly. So, for safety reasons, I’d be here!
At fly-half is the cheeky-boy himself, the Scottish hero who is more than used to the number ten on the back of his shirt, James McFadden. Faddy would excel at number ten due to his skill and quick thinking. He epitomizes Scottish belief and pride, and would never offer anything less than one hundred percent internationally. He is the ‘have-a-go’ hero, who has had a knock-on effect nationwide; John Smeaton being the perfect inspired example! He is a great passer and everyone knows the consummate ease with which he can send the ball between the posts from thirty - nah, let’s say forty - yards! The perfect number ten!
Speeding up the wings would be the late Colin McRae, and Olympic cyclist Chris Hoy. Colin McRae undoubtedly made rally-driving the global sport that it is here and now. Not only through the video game franchise, McRae’s aggressive, full-throttle racing style was what made him so unique and exhilarating on the track, and so well appreciated by fans worldwide. He was a much-loved and well-respected Scot, and without a doubt deserves a place in any true Scottish side.
Chris Hoy, the fastest man on two wheels, flies up and down the wing at number thirteen. Not only arguably Scotland’s greatest ever athlete, but the triple Gold winning cyclist seems to have the same build as The Hulk! His thighs are sixty-six centimeters in circumference, and, like McRae, is every bit the gentleman! It looks like the old saying of brains in the backs and brawn in the forwards is proving correct again!
My first centre would be Andy Murray. I have put him here as he is very used to playing off the back-line, and can easily serve up a massive hit! Like Colin Montgomerie, Murray too has that ole’ Scottish trait of never appearing to be best pleased! However, there are glimpses of controlled aggression in the star’s game which could prove pivotal if we are lined-up on our defensive twenty-two. Murray also holds fantastic concentration throughout his matches, and has the speed and power to break through the back-line with a cool back-hand (-off)!
Joining Murray as his outside-centre is 100m Gold medalist Allan Wells. It is hard to imagine that the last white athlete to win Gold in the 100m sprint is a Scotsman from Edinburgh! Wells, who was born, raised and trained in Scotland, won Gold at the 1980 Moscow Olympic Games, with a personal best that remains the Scottish record to this day (send someone from Edinburgh down to parts of Glasgow on a Saturday night and I’m sure that record would disappear in nine seconds flat!). Retired now, Wells still coaches sprinting for the Scottish national side.
Making up the side is Scotland’s finest rugby player at full-back: Gavin Hastings. Not only a truly patriotic Scottish captain, Hastings also captained the British and Irish Lions, and is the Lions’ all time top points scorer. Leading from the back, Hastings was a fine player and captain, who was a kick away from taking Scotland to the World Cup Final back in 1991, scored the try that granted Scotland victory in France against the hosts for almost thirty years, and was a member of the Grand Slam winning Scottish side of 1990. Truly inspirational.
Looking at all these Scottish heroes, it is simply impossible to accept the thought of someone like Nacho Novo playing for our national side! Scotland has a rich history of teams and success spawned by incredible athletes, national identity, and national pride. All of the sportsmen and women above have attributes that make up the true Scottish identity and sporting fibre - fair enough, all different key features, some more integral to playing rugby -that I think you’d struggle to find anywhere else but inside true Scots! What they do all have in common though is the Scottish aggression and pride that comes from being Scottish! So, as far as I am concerned, that is the kind of passport you need to represent us Scots: that true Scottish blood!
Published: November 2008, Strathclyde Telegraph
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